Earlier this week the comedy, well not comedy but unfortunate reality, in the news was some maniac who was high eating the face off another person. The jokes immediately began that this was the beginning of THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!. Alas, it was not and it turns out that it was some nutcase drugged up on some new designer dope called "bath salts". 

Be the insanity as it may, the USA is currently undergoing a real apocalypse, one that does involve eating and food...just not each other... this is of course, dun duh duh...the OBESITY APOCALYPSE!!

No lie, I am not being mean or cruel or "unfeeling", the cold, hard facts are this, America is getting FATTER. The adults are getting fatter, the kids are getting fatter, everyone is turning into an amorphos blob of processed garbage food made by several multinational companies who shall remain nameless here but are easily googlable. (yea sure, I made that word up.)

So, where was I, oh yea, Obesity Apocalypse. What are we doing wrong?... well not we, I'm not gaining weight by the moment, but over 30% of Americans? Several things. One is eating processed food. Not gonna go into why it's bad for you, just again, google it. Two is not f***ing exercising, or waiting until you are over 250 pounds and going to the gym to lift weights to try and "get back into shape". Three is spending all our (sure I'll toss my hat into this ring as I can't go around the block on a bicycle to get some groceries without almost getting obliterated by the above mentioned hyped up on processed garbage in a monster SUV blubber mass.) time in idiotic 2 ton steel, stress inducing crap mobiles called, automobiles. In order for me to go a mile from my house to get anything I have to DRIVE THERE. That is RETARDED! When we replaced small town America with strip mall suburbia and SUV's we condemned ourselves to a sort of toxic hell of never ending short trips of despair using things better designed to get people across country instead of across the GODD**N block. 

So here we are with America getting fatter by the moment. What does this hold for the future?

Well for one, for those of you who would like to know the actual history of this LAND and not just the last 236 years, there was already an apocalypse here, it was called THE WHITE MAN. Yes, good 'ol white europeans brought small pox to the 70 to ONE HUNDRED MILLION native inhabitants of this land, wiping them out within 150 years of the man landing here. If it wasn't for that, all your SUV's, mcmansion's, federal reserves, etc, etc would never exist. Oh the europeans would have conquered them anyway. No fellers and fellets, 'cause ya see the vikings landed here and tried to take over North American way before europeans, they got their asses beat...so europeans would have been pissed on. Fortunately for them though, the europeans that is, they were disease ridden mugs and promptly infected the natives, helping spurry about their destruction. 

So yea apocalypse numero uno takes out the natives enough for the white folks to roll in and say, "oh shite, look what we found!, this is awesome, the rest of you can move into these concentration camps... um we mean reservations and we'll take care of this little chunk of paradise".

So alright, in the beginning for right or wrong, the people who came here, busted ass, got stuff done, worked hard and made another country from the ashes of the native apocalypse.

Unfortunately...as happens in civilizations, the natives now...or the people who think they are natives but are all actually descended from IMMIGRANTS, have lulled themselves into a sort of malaise of ignorance, malnutrition and carelessness.  

Take a look the next time you are out. How many people do you see getting out of SUV's that are enormous, who can barely walk because of this, and ask yourself this question. What would happen if a catastrophic event occured here. Say a massive natural disaster, or a solar flare...which is a natural disaster...but anyway something that required people to walk, grow food, anything that required thinking and PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.

Yep, you guessed it apocalypse.

Seriously though, joking aside. We are on a collision course with destiny, a country that has overpriced healthcare, an aging population that is huge and is not in shape. Can anyone say bankrupt? One better stop moaning about the illegals here now, because you're going to need someone to wipe your large bottom when you are unable to move at 50.

What can be done?

Well for one, stop eating the crap they are selling you. No, absolutely none, processed food, no mcd's, the kings, the bell, the hut, those crap chain restaurants, pass em by. Another idea, park the F***ING cars! Walk, ride a bike. Think how close everything is in reality! A mile is not far!

Unfortunately, in this country, that's not gonna happen. We've built infrastructure that requires that car. To change that now...well with the people in charge and the monied interests behind the scenes actually running things means...well it means that it's up to the next generation to get it done.

As for me, I'll keep eating light and healthy, riding my BMX bike, taking occasional chances with my ass when I jump or fly down the street, but I know that when it all goes down....well hell, at least I'll be in good enough shape to haul ass out of the way of the obesity zombies moaning, "where's the big macccccccc with cheeeessssseee?"

Barring that maybe I'll just move here and hide from the insanity.... Bicycle City

Anyway, I don't fear zombie apocalypse's, I fear the obesapocalypse! AHHHHHH! 

Oh and for those who say it can't be done, they've tried, etc. Bullsh**. My gal has lost 40 pounds...by doing what...? Changing her diet. Grow a set and make a change people.