I keep hearing about a “war on christmas” and I see a lot of “keep christ in christmas” bumper stickers. I am not a fan of any war so I’m staying out of that one but I think a bargain is in order for keeping christ in christmas. Christians can keep the saying, but in order to do so the following traditions must be returned to the pagans in order to make a fair trade for keeping J.C. in there.
So here goes. The following traditions must be returned to the pagans:
1. Raucous partying, gluttonous eating and drinking, and gift-giving. These are from the feast of the son of isis and should only be used in deference to him.
2. Merrymaking and going door to door singing (Caroling.). This is a tradition of the birthday of the unconquered son from Rome.
3. Lighting candles. This is a tradition of encouraging the sun to reappear after the winter solstice.
4. Putting trees up in your houses. (The druids brought you that one.)
5. Yule logs. (Pagan symbol for the sun.)
6. Mistletoe. (Pagan fertility ritual.)
7. The date. (Ya see…Pope Julius I decreed that the birthdate would be December 25th to…appease the pagans.)
So basically, Christians can keep saying Merry Christmas and all that but everything else…well…ya gotta give it back to the original owners. It’s only the Christian thing to do right?…”Thou shall not steal” correct?…